A Series of Unfortunate Events, or It's Hard To Be A Girl

As a caution, if you have a weak stomach, or cannot find humor in bodily functions, please stop now....
"We" decided that we would go for a little ride up the canyon for a really great hike last Saturday afternoon. The weather was beautiful so we wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to be outside. There was beauty all around...

Lots of opportunities for throwing rocks into the water...
But as is usually the case when you throw children (and husbands) into the mix, things do not go as planned.
Intitally, we were supposed to go up to a trailhead that would start us on a wonderful hike to the top of the mountain that we see every morning from our house.

We had driven about an hour on a dirt road to get there, getting higher and higher up the side of the mountain, when we encountered snow. Burke was confident in his new truck's ability to get past it, and put it into four wheel drive.
We slid.
Then he got out and locked the hubs and tried again. We slid again, this time accomanied by screaming all around.
Then we had a little discussion about how sliding off a cliff is not in the best interest of his family. Or his truck.
He acquiesced and we did some driving gymnastics to turn around and find another hike that wouldn't be so dangerous.

Little did we know what lay ahead...

We found a little lake with what appeared to be trails around it. We pulled off and decided to make the best of the situation.
We had been hiking for about 10 minutes when the kids all declared they were starving to death. I couldn't believe the dead moose we found didn't kill their appetites.
We stopped to give them a snack and let Burke play with his range finder and binoculars and relive his deer hunt. While we were checking out the lay of the land through the binoculars, Annika wandered off. I looked over my shoulder to see if I could find her, and noticed her standing off in some bushes.
Thinking that was strange, I asked her what she was doing. She told me she was using the bathroom.
Only I noticed that she didn't seem to be squatting. I asked her if she needed help, and she told me she had just finished.
As she got redressed, and rejoined the group, I saw a giant wet spot on the leg of her jeans. When I asked her what it was (hoping against hope I wasn't right), her answer was, "It just isn't fair that the boys can just stand up and go wherever they want."
Yep.
And it wasn't fair that she was the butt of jokes for the next 15 minutes (but it was pretty funny).

We decided to press on, following Burke into more and more snow.
Finally, the trail was gone and we were proceeding down the side of a hill falling and sliding in the cold wet muddy snow as Burke strolled on a quarter-mile ahead.
I rebelled and told Burke what I thought about his wilderness guide abilities.
Then we turned and headed back, while Burke stubbornly led himself on a wonderful-- yet short-- hike.
The kids and I found some great rocks and spent some time throwing them in the water, until Annika told me she needed some help to finish the aforementioned job.
When she had previously felt the warmth seeping down her leg, she decided to cut it off, but still needed to answer the call of nature.
As I explained to her, every woman must learn the best and easiest way to take care of business. I took care to stay out of her way.
At this point, Adrienne decided she needed in on the action. I explained and helped, until she told me she needed to go #2. (Sorry about the graphic nature, but I tell it like it is.)
I don't even like #2 at home, so Burke got to step in at this point. He helped her, cleaned her up, and got his pack back on (the awesome Eagle Scout was even prepared with toilet paper!)
Unfortunately, after the job was done, he didn't watch where she was stepping and neither did she.
Yep.
It was ugly.
Blech.
Burke laughed.
Then I did. What else can you do?

The shoe came off and went in the lake for a good washing.
Then we decided we had had enough fun and headed back to the truck.

That is when Adrienne found her "very useful walking stick". It was helpful until she tripped over it, landed on it with her mouth, and came up with a mouthful of blood and a very loose front tooth that was previously not loose at all.

Needless to say, it was a very somber, very smelly ride home.